Wednesday, July 28, 2010


The noise of daily life has been pressing into me lately. I feel it, dense and strong, like a night sky pressing inwards. It isn't a hopeless feeling, rather anticipation or an eagerness to explore unknown places. I want to sit and write, record, dream, describe, wonder at the different facets of humankind.

It is something akin to wanderlust: an intense desire to travel, an ache for the distance. But for now I will stay, soaking up familiar sights, the comfort of routine, normal life. Because soon, this will be forsaken, replaced by the wanderings of my other life of simplicity and separation from all that is known.

Milonga Hostel, Buenos Aires, Argentina

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Reflections for future Redepmtion

Reflection is generally a cathartic experience. I have been looking back on my journal entries from the past year-since I found out I would be going on this amazing trip. The black book is filled with desires and motivation to love God more, manage time well, serve others, and prayers for many many things in my life and for those around me.

A few excerpts:
"I'm ready for an adventure, to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone. I've been waiting for this opportunity and now is the time to prepare and equip my head and heart. God, still my heart. Or speak to it, rather. Help me to hear your voice amidst the noise of this life. I want my priorities to be even more centered around You, seeking your face and sharing in your Kingdom. God, be great in my life."

3/22/10 Refiner's Fire
"God, break me of what I feel entitled to receive from you. I want my life to be so focused on you, that your will and desires become my own. Stir up a mighty and powerful force within me. Grant me your eyes, heart and courage. May you be glorified by my motives. Continue to refine me, God. May my whole life be an offering that aids in accomplishing your glorious will for your children."

"God, purify my heart. Help me to trust in your timing and plans. Calm my spirit."

"I pray for an increase in joy. Help me to see past my daily tasks of school, work, church and homework. Give my a peace in the midst of my day. Help my to see your purpose and beauty all around me, while I prepare for my trip abroad. Prepare my heart to go, my finances, my mind, my friends, family, my boyfriend, school and my job. Set apart this time to serve you. Captivate your children. Take back what belongs to you-Spark a fire that cannot be contained."

"Choose sacrifice over selfishness."

Fairly consistently I desire and search for God's provision and power in my life. I know the theory and theology of God's love for us, to be sure. But I am ready to have no other options but serving Him and trusting in Him. It is easy to love God when things are going well in sunny California. I know God wants to continue to refine my heart, mind, character, witness, speech, actions and intentions for His glory-not my own.
May these posts be a starting point for gauging growth. God moves, let us not miss the power.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Finding Balance

I have to physically and consciously stop myself from researching for this trip anymore. There is only so much preparation that can go into a trip, before it is over-planned. My slightly OCD nature has caused me to make endless packing lists, read too many travel accounts, sift through countless guidebooks, search for the perfect travel clothes, and just over-think what should best be defined as a spontaneous adventure.

I sent out my second support letter on Monday and finished buying sunscreen, bug spray and my textbooks. The preparations are finished.
With 5 weeks left before we depart, I want to focus on enjoying every moment I have in California. I have been viewing this trip as part of my future, and my focus has been looking ahead, while ignoring what is around me today. Know that I am excited for what God has in store for me and the team overseas, but He is also doing a work in my heart and mind to prepare for what will come. Praying for peace and patience,