Wednesday, March 2, 2011

100. To do list

I have a life's to do list. It is organized by category: Spiritual, Outdoors, Travel, Altruism, Creative, Learning, Silly and a general "Life."

Number 100 is the last on my list, but it seems to be gaining an ever-increasing amount of importance on my heart and in this season.

100. Write a letter to everyone I love

Sounds simple, a 7-word sentence. But I am afraid of number 100. It would take up my whole heart, entirely.

I reminisce on this list because tonight I got some shocking news. My great grandma passed away today. She was 96 years old. Jean Forbes first inspired my love of travel. She has been to over 100 countries, and helped my buy my first international plane ticket when I was 15.

She experienced so much in her long life-probably more than a list of life to-do's organized by category could every portray.

But there is some controversy surrounding her death. I don't want to be graphic, but these details are what have shaken me the most today.

My great grandmother was found at the bottom of a cliff, near a creek by her home.
She suffered from dementia, which could easily explain a lapse in judgment, lack of coordination or just a blatant unawareness of her surroundings.

The deeper part of my heart believes she was absolutely incapable of taking her own life. Such a life of adventure, wonder, experience and love could not be commit such a crime. But the other part of my mind needs prayer. Prayer to get such an image out of my mind and heart, because it has no place there.

 I will forever remember my great grandma as a beautiful, stubborn, sweet and funny individual. She traveled, she lived, she saw, she recorded her stories in journal upon journal.

My heart aches that such a lovely person is gone, in such a tragic way. It makes my whole being shake with the desire for my whole family to know the power of Christ's love. Because he has changed my life, forever and ever.

My perspective is eternal, stretching to encompass a God who sent his son to die for ME and for YOU and for US. He died for those who love Him, and for those who turned away from Him, and for those who never took a second glance at Him. He loves the sinners, the broken, the lost, the found, the orphans, the pastors, the homeless, the joyful and the confused.

So, in honor of my family, may the strength I have been gifted from God give me the ability to transcend this earthly understanding.

Because I have been found by Christ. And that love surpasses all understanding.

101. To attempt to grasp the height, depth, width and breadth of His LOVE for us.


  1. amanda, thank you so much for sharing. i'm honored to have some understanding of why you were so upset tonight. i'm sorry this is so hard. the pain will probably last a while. remember that God works in our pain, our hurt, our brokenness. i'll pray for healing on your mind tonight. those images are difficult to shake when one is lost in such a violent manner. i've been there too and i encourage you to pray for protection over your heart from God. sending you love tonight.

  2. You have such an awesome heart Amanda. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Praying for you and your family.

  3. oh my amanda, my heart is crying for you and your family. i'm so sorry for what you're going through right now, but you're taking all this pain to the right place, and we know He will take care of you. I love you and I am praying for you. I mean that.

  4. I'm thankful that God is glorified, even through this chapter of your life.

  5. amanda, i am so sorry to hear of your loss. what a gift God gave you in your great grandma. praying for you

  6. amanda, i'm so sorry to hear this. praying grace and peace for you and your family.

  7. My heart hurts for yours right now. Praying for you.

  8. #101, not sure we'll ever get there but what a beautiful way to spend our time. Praying His peace for your heart and mind.

  9. I admire your strength Amanda. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. In the midst of this tragedy your love for God shines so bright and that is beautiful!

  10. I fully second what Karen said. Praying for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss, Amanda.

  11. You are an amazing woman. You put things into perspective that most have trouble doing. I love your list and would love to see it sometime. I am praying for you and your family.

  12. You're Kingdom heart is so encouraging, Amanda.
    Thank you for being so honest.
    Praying for you and your family.

  13. Sorry for seeing this late, but totally praying for you! It is real hard to loose a loved one as I have experienced. We are there for you!


Thoughts, comments or questions are welcome!