Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Nightfall..Spirit Fall

When I was younger I used to get really intense anxiety about certain things. The most fearful time of struggle was always that hour or so between late afternoon and early evening-as the sun was going down and everything got shadowed and dark. I used to sit in the living room, close my eyes tightly and try to ignore the shift towards nightfall.

Every so often this feeling comes back. An anxious, depressed, heavy feeling. Tonight was such a night. It usually happens if I have too much time to just sit and think. If I don't turn my attention and affection towards God in that time, lifting my fears up in prayer, then inexplicable anxiety floods in. I don't know how to describe it. Like a constriction of my heart, sharp breaths and a tangible weight on my chest and shoulders. Again, usually inexplicable.

Tonight I couldn't pinpoint a specific fear or worry. That makes it difficult to pray against, because Jesus named the demons. He cast them away by name.
I am thankful to have this as an outlet to share, even if I don't have it figured out entirely. There's such power in a community to surround myself in.
Choosing to enter rest, expectant and prepared to receive divine comfort.

13 comments:

  1. Amanda, I hope you are encouraged by God's love when you feel anxious! He has His arms wrapped around you and loves on you even when you are afraid :) I'm praying the demon of anxiety from you!

    Rachael Bergus

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  2. thank you for being so honest! it is encouraging to see your constant dependence and reliance on God. i love your last sentence about choosing and being expectant. receiving from God is all about those things, choosing to seek and find Him and waiting expectantly for His assured response.

    praying for you!

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  3. He comforts all who call on His name...

    Praying for sure Amanda and I can relate, as well, because I used to have panic/anxiety attacks and it is the most out of control feeling. Thank the Lord, that we have the Lord. And isn't it crazy...that Jesus endured pain and suffering so that He might relate to our own... true love.

    "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:15

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  4. Thanks for sharing this Amanda...I think we can all relate on some level to the sometimes unexplained power of anxiety in our lives. I think Caydin's post this week is such an amazing antidote to this...when we don't know what the reason or why it's happening...we CAN reflect on who God is, His character, and what we KNOW is TRUE. And, not only that...but it says in Romans that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf, even when we don't know what to pray. What an amazing promise!


    "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." -Romans 8:26

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  5. i reflect at night on who You are, o Lord; therefore i obey Your instructions. psalm 119:55

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  6. Thank you for being vulnerable. You don't have to the answers but you can rest in the power we have in Christ. I think of the verse which I don't remember the reference but it says 'greater is He who is in you then he who is in the world.' May God give you his peace and surround you at night when you feel more vulnerable. I have blessed to walk in community with you all and I'm grateful that we get to be in it together :)

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  7. hey i know what this is like, seriously, i used to get anxious between the afternoon and the evening too. how odd... but maybe it was so that i could understand that feeling with you. attack is really scary, it can be in the strangest of ways and i will definitely be praying for you love. i will try and throw up a little prayer every day during that time.

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  8. Thanks for sharing, Amanda. "Choosing to enter rest, expectant and prepared to receive divine comfort," pretty much says it all. I am encouraged to trust God as well, and seek his presence to make me whole.

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  9. I am so glad that you have us to share this with. You are loved by God and by all of us. We are here for you :-)

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  10. yes yes yes. this is where i'm at too. thank you for sharing the feeling. it's nice to feel a little less alone.

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  11. I am praying for you amanda! lean into God and ask Him to show you something maybe you cannot see or identify or if this is a vulnerable area that satan uses to tear you down. either way, there is FREEDOM in Christ in this area. and we can rejoice in that!!! : )

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  12. Even if its just ramblings and nonsense, we appreciate that you are willing to express your thoughts and fears. Sharing with the community is such a great thing and I am glad that I can just at least listen to you. While you might not know what is going on, sometimes just talking it out can be more powerful and it will later help you realize things. So I appreciate your honesty and sharing :)

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  13. Love the scripture Dannah! Praying for you in this Amanda!

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Thoughts, comments or questions are welcome!