Russian life has been a whirlwind. Our limited downtime is spent doing homework, reading, journaling, church time and sleeping. My heart has been going through so many things this past week, it is difficult to describe in a simple paragraph. I have met a few amazing individuals here in Vladimir, and God has blessed our group with awesome worship time and Bible study. Finding time and motivation for extra devotion time has been tough- I realize that should be my top priority, but time seems to go by quickly here.
Being sick these past two weeks has given me time to sit back and observe. I get to see how people interact; I am able to study people, without understanding their language. Gestures and expressions say so much.
I am caught in between finding contentment here, and having anxiety about life when I get back home. I feel pressure to figure out what I want to do with my life. What do I do after my undergrad at Concordia? I was hoping for a revelation while on this trip-maybe it will come, and I still have time. I'm nervous about resume-building, job hunting, interviewing. And for what? I don't even know that, which is scary. Part of me knows this place of desperation is exactly where God wants me to be-it means I have to rely completely on Him.
This morning Kaydee came to Emmanuel Church in Vladimir. My best friend from high school, we hardly manage to see each other in the states, but we are able to meet halfway around the world! She is here studying Russian at a language school. I am in awe of that direction, of her determination and strength. My heart aches for that. I feel as though God is saying Just wait. Just wait. Just wait. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just be willing to wait, that's all, or you'll miss what I want to show you.
That should bring me peace, but my mind is anxious. Pray for a calm surrender and patience for God's timing and plan. I know the next steps-to live this trip to the fullest. Meet individuals, pray without ceasing, derive strength from Scripture and community. The same hands that hold the world hold my heart.