What are your moments of enlightenment?

What are your moments of enlightenment?

1. Argentina, waiting for the bus from the airport. The first realization that time does not always mean doing life by my schedule.
2. Learning loss in Argentina, one week into the trip, in Russia and in Turkey. Losing what I thought was valuable and continuing to wrestle with that loss throughout the trip. The drive from Cairo to Sinai and dealing with my frustrations of having no music or books to pass the time.
3. The idea of doing absolutely nothing for 4 days on the felucca sailboats, and being moved by our devotions, Dr. Norton’s message about Woe to you who go back to Egypt for comfort. Too much time for prayer and not enough distractions.
4. Africa-dealing with the apprehension and fear of coming to Kenya. Worried that my life would change, that God would call me back, that my heart would break for the country.
5. The walk in Kibera, the second largest Urban slum in Africa. The homestays with Mamma Grace and Joyce’s family, selling vegetables and reading Scripture together with her family.
6. All of India. Being constantly uncomfortable and slightly on edge.
7. Learning to deal with my discomfort, my fears, my anxiety and seeing that God is the only constant thing on this trip and in my life.
8. Learning that I only have a small amount of control over the future and my future ambitions. Trusting in God that he will provide and take care of my living situation, money, my car, classes, my job and career and my relationship with friends, family and Matt.
9. Knowing that I need to be continually praying for my mom, sisters, brothers and family
10. Accepting a compliment.
11. Finding joy in writing and recording stories.
12. Seeing joy in people who have nothing, no money, little food, poor living conditions, children begging and not in school.
13. Having church, worship and devotions with no carpet, no coffee, no fancy sound equipment, no RockHarbor.
14. Wearing the same 3 outfits over and over. Learning to be dirty and not hate every second.
15. Diving into Scripture and reconnecting with God who wants to speak truth and love into my heart
16. Preparing and dealing with Spiritual warfare in Turkey and Egypt and in primarily Muslim or Hindu countries.
17. Dreaming about how God will use me to impact the world
18. Giving a devotion and knowing that God will use my to speak His truth
19. Discovering that the Lord does give strength to his people, he blesses his people with peace
20. Recording the good and the bad. Getting frustrated with God, saying that He has taken everything away from me. And he has. He is removing my crutches, my earthly desires, what I think I need or want. He has taken them and replaced them with a beautiful community of fellow Christians who can pray and support me.
21. Not having anything else to rely on but God-no clothes, no snacks, no car, no music, no job, no income, no cell phone, no Internet, no schedule or Starbucks. Relying fully on him as my support, my foundation, my comfort, my joy, my love, my devotion

Refined by Fire

Journaling from a few weeks ago (Egypt):
Felucca trip up the Nile. 3 days of doing absolutely nothing except relaxing, swimming in the Nile and praying::
So many thoughts and prayers are being sent up right now. Floating here, rocking gently in the water. I'm discontent with myself. I need God to meet me in my inadequacies because I am unable to fix them myself. God, I want to see you. You say, Receive your sight, your faith has healed you. Meet me in this quiet place. Touch the deepest part of my heart. I realize over and over that I cannot do this on my own. Show me my place here-in this group, on this trip. Don't let life just pass me by. Surprise me with your creation, the vast beauty to explore. Heal my heart and give me new eyes to see.

This is perhaps his response:
“These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, “they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
will shelter them with his presence.
‘Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7

The Creator God has been guiding my heart, mind and steps to produce something in me that is of greater worth than gold, refined by fire.
It would be easy if God forced us to love him. But to be presented with the choice to accept or reject his love-how much more valuable:
"For up to this very point, for this very point, he has been educating us, leading us, pushing us, driving us, enticing us, that we may choose him and his will, and so be tenfold more his children, of his own best making, in the freedom of the will found our own first in its loving sacrifice to him, for which in his grand fatherhood he has been thus working from the foundations of the earth, then we could be in the most ecstatic worship flowing from the divinest impulse, without this willing sacrifice" (Unspoken Sermons, George MacDonald)

I am no longer in that place of loss and confusion, yet I know those situations are never wasted. God isn't vindictive or crude. Every struggle, while not necessarily caused by God, can be used by him to draw us closer to his heart, which is when and where we find purpose and hope. Blessings friends and family, may this hope work in us and in this team.

Ponderings from the Nile River

I made it back alive after a 3-day felucca trip up the Nile. A felucca is a traditional wooden sailboat used primarily to sail the Nile. 30 of us had 2 feluccas with 2 crew members on each. We ate vegetarian each meal and plenty of pita with various toppings. We took a night train Friday from Cairo to Aswan, and boarded the boat Saturday afternoon. I showered Thursday night before we left for Aswan, and then not again until this afternoon, Tuesday. I am definitely being pushed from my comfort zone; at home I shower at least once per day. And Egypt is hot. I mean hot. We were dripping sweat most of the time, which meant of course-we must cool off in the Nile.

It is extremely questionably water; I am sure it was not too safe for my new tattoo (see previous post..), but no one got sick and it was nice to float around with no real agenda. Free time is a new concept to this group, because we are always rushing somewhere, having classes, studying or taking tests. This semester has been my busiest yet, even without my job or friends and family to spend my time with.

Saturday night I spent a few hours just laying on the boat and praying. I journaled, I re-read my posts from the beginning of the trip, and pondered my future. It is difficult to dwell on the future when I am thousands of miles away and a continent and oceans prevent me from planning every or any details.

I read Tales of a Female Nomad this weekend. It showed me that I do not have to worry about providing for my every need. There are so many people out there that have helped me find a place to stay, a job, transportation, friendships, etc. God has me in his hand. That concept is so abstract, it doesn't always fit in my head very well. But while I know the value of planning and hoping for a good job and for things to turn out well, this time I want to fully depend on God. It is perfect, because I have no ability to work out my own future this far away.

My felucca ponderings have given me a peace about these next six months. I cannot wait to see my family and friends in December, and what is beyond Christmas I have no idea. I will rest in that, because God has always, always, always revealed the next step for me.

Tonight we leave for Kenya, and internet will be intermittent, if at all. If you don't hear from me, just pray that God would continue to work in this team and in my heart. Daily He is showing me how to trust in his plan rather than stress about how to provide on my own.

Pyramids at Giza

I'm studying for our World Religions midterm tomorrow morning, but here are a few pictures from today!

Final tattoo, Psalm 29:11a

The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace, Psalm 29:11

One of my goals for the trip, unofficially, was to get a Hebrew tattoo in Israel. I mentioned it to the group in passing in our first two weeks in Argentina, and a few prayed about getting one as well. Fast forward 2 months and halfway through the trip- 6 people decided to go through with it.
The part that scares me the most is the declaration this particular verse is making: The Lord gives strength to his people. I know this to be true, it is the foundation of my life and God is the only reason this team of 30 students and faculty have bonded so quickly. Our foundation in Christ is the reason we are able to make it through tough classes, sickness, frustrations, various personality differences, all of our service projects and unending culture shock. God has brought each individual here, and we are reminded daily in large and small ways of His truth and present action in our lives.

And that is exactly what scares me: To have a permanent reminder on my body (my right arm, to be specific) that I can and should be fully dependent on God as my sole source of strength is the largest claim I can make. It is a declaration, but it is also a prayer that I would be continually renewed in the word as I actively seek His face rather than my own desires.
So in Christ I am broken yet full, dead to myself and alive in Him. May my present actions take me in His direction as this journey continues. Amen.

What I learned in the deserts of Egypt and Jordan

Let us have grace to serve the Consuming Fire, our God, with divine fear, not with the fear that cringes and craves, but with the bowing down of all thoughts, all delights, all loves before him who is the life of them all, and will have them all pure. We, therefore, must worship him with a fear pure as the kingdom is unshakable. He will shake heaven and earth, that only the unshakable remain.

It is the nature of God, so terribly pure that is destroys all that is not pure as fire, which demands like purity in our worship.
The symbol of God's presence, before which Moses had to put off his shoes, and to which it was not safe for him to draw near, was a fire that did not consume the bush in which it burned.

He is against sin: in so far as, and while, they and sin are one, he is against them-against their desires, their aims, their fears and their hopes; and thus he is altogether and always for them.
The Consuming Fire is the active form of purity-that which makes pure, that which is indeed love, the creative energy of God.

Gone then will be all anxiety as to what his neighbor may think about him. It is enough that God thinks about him. To be something to God-is not that praise enough? To be a thing that God cares for and would have complete for himself, because it is worth caring for-is not that life enough?
The Consuming Fire, George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons

God has been working on my heart. It isn't easy, but I know that I am learning character on this trip. I love it here, there is always something to do, see, learn and read. I am dealing with losing things I once held valuable, and that shows me that my heart needs to move more towards living in the moment rather than thinking about what used to bring me happiness.

The team is growing closer as we study and travel together. We spent this last weekend in the desert near Wadi Rum, Jordan. We rode a caravan of camels (30 people, 30 camels, which were borrowed from neighboring villages to trek us all through the desert). Jordan is hot, sweaty and full of sand. Tomorrow we go to Petra, and we are here for 3 days. I'm looking forward to what the future has in store, while continuing to live in the moment.

Mt. Sinai and the Egyptian Desert: Wandering for 40 years

The time is here: A journey from known to unknown. We have left Turkey and have arrived in Egypt. We passed from the African side in Cairo, under the Suez Canal to the Middle Eastern side of Sinai and then the Red Sea in Dahab, Egypt.

Monday night at 1am we rolled into Sinai in two small, cramped, sweaty vans. We unstuck our bodies and walked sleepily to the large outdoor tent where the staff of Desert Fox Hostel greeted us with cups of hot tea heated by the fire. Tuesday I wandered around the desert to the oldest continually used monastery in the world, St. Catherine’s. That night the group of us set out with our daypacks to climb Mt. Sinai. I thought it would be a quick trip up, but it took just over two hours, mostly in the dark. I lit a small path with my head lamp, in between a cliff and a red mountain. Strenuous though it was, the trek proved to be more than worth the exhausting exercise. After the 752 “Steps of Repentance,” the final steps up to the top, we had a worship service while staring at the stars and down to the distant desert sands below. “When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mt. Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain. To the Israelites, the glory of the Lord looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain.” [Mt. Sinai, also known as Mt. Horeb, is where Moses and Elijah met with God]. We beat the crowds who come for sunrise and had the mountain to ourselves for a few hours, but tourists poured in around 4am. I woke up to headlamps peering over from above to our mats and sleeping bags on a landing below, while foreign languages met my tired ears.

I slept a bit longer till the sun started to rise around 6am. The sight was slightly less than I was hoping for, and I thought, isn’t that exactly how God works-not at all as expected. But a few minutes later a blazing ball of fire emerged from the foggy horizon, and the view was spectacular. Perhaps this is the same Consuming Fire.

An hour later we packed our bag and took a different route down the mountain. This new path took much longer than the first, and this time the sun was beating at our backs. I got to lead the group through some of the last climbs which was an amazing feeling. This morning, Thursday, we took three vans to Dahab. Immediately after dropping our bags into the hotel rooms we made the 40 minute walk to Lagona Beach. We managed to find a semi-private section of shore and water, which was crystal clear blue. The color changed lighter periwinkle or darker navy depending on the reef deep below. I swam to the buoy and floated in the crystals aquamarine water for a long time since the temperature and atmosphere were perfect for a relaxing afternoon. The Egyptian sun bore down but it was no match for the calm, salty clear sea: The Red Sea, where God parted the waters for the Israelites and Moses to walk safely across.

Friday morning, waves are rolling, never crashing, as though they possess the lazy beach personality and opt for a rest instead. A single person stands in these calm waves, white sun beating down to reflect the dark silhouette. This blazing fire creates a white-hot pathway across the sea to the neighboring Saudi Arabia. Its mountains are barely visible in the morning haze. Away from this path dark water churns, lost without a light source to guide.

After French toast and ice coffee for breakfast, we take a two buses and a two-hour ferry ride to Aqaba, Jordan. We will be staying near the entrance of Petra, Jordan

Curreny Conversion Rates

Foreign Currency name	1USD	Amount in Foreign currency
Argentine Peso (ARS)	$1	3.93 ARS
		2 ARS= 51 cents, 4 ARS= $1.02
Russian Ruble (RUB)	$1	31.3 RUB
		313 RUB= $10
Turkish Lira (TRY)	$1	1.59 TRY
		10 TRY= $6.30
Egyptian Pound (EGP)	$1	5.7 EGP
		29 EGP = $5.10
Kenyan Shilling (KES)	$1	81.75 KES
		450 KES= $5.50
Indian Rupee (INR)	$1	46.4 INR
		23 INR= 50 cents
Indonesian Rupiah (IDR)	$1	9,050 IDR
		5000 IDR= 55 cents
Chinese Yuan (CNY)	$1	6.80 CYN
		34 CYN= $5