ATW Video

Sometimes it's difficult to condense my trip abroad into a simple story or statement. Casey Sousa produced and edited this video to promote the Around-The-World Semester at Concordia University for future students. I hope it helps invite you into what God did in my heart and in the hearts of my team members.

Around-the-World Semester from Concordia University on Vimeo.

Goals revisited

Seven months ago, I wrote several goals for myself. They have all been met, at least on a partial, continuing level. Looking back and looking inwardly, I can tell that this list of 20 only scratches the surface of what has taken place.

Each item on this list represents something that changed in my life, my heart, at my very core. My identity has increased to encompass a level I have never known before. This list is a symbol, an icon of a paradigm shift.

Through hearing stories about other people, through being uncomfortable for the majority of 4 months, I have become more aware of what I am capable of. This is not of my own strength, or by sheer will power. Several times I would have given up, if not for my community around me who encouraged me with the Word and their presence.

I am still unsure how to process all that has happened. I sense a time is coming, because I cannot take it in all at once. Nor can I describe it here, with the mere written word. To do so would be a disservice to myself and to you.
So I will wait in attempted patience, with the knowledge and comfort that the changes have not come to a conclusion.

Seasons of the trip

I'm sitting in the airport in Hong Kong, waiting to fly to LAX in an hour! I will update on China and the last few weeks of the trip when I get home. For now, here's my latest Travel Writing story about seasons from the trip. :) Looking forward to coming home and continuing to process all that has happened in these past 4 months.

Growing as Children: Games and Revelations

It started out as a guessing game, similar to the endless rounds of I-Spy on a family road trip. I would take a guess, write it down, and hope for the best. It seems like just as long ago that I started to ponder the vast lessons of world travel. I expected to be changed, to have new experiences, to expand my perspective and to fly far away from my comfort zone.

After months of planning, I realized how completely unprepared I was to face the whole world with one backpack and nineteen textbooks. That morning came quickly, like a road sign that flashes by before you can read the words. That first airplane ride took me away from everything I knew. I remember it, a distant day. I was on a mission: to experience everything with new eyes.

Argentina: I am now an English-speaker and a Spanish-listener. I am a consumer. I want to take the perfect picture. I want to capture the experience in a single frame. It will be the experience I am supposed to have. Yet these first two weeks teach me I know very little about myself, and even less about those around me. I have 29 new acquaintances and am hesitant to share my life with these strangers. We share a common bond and our desires to learn and grow are the foundation for new friendships.

Russia: I have to take a second to check the road map. The GPS shouts contradictory directions at me in a British accent. I am confused and scared of what the future holds. I grasp for anything I can hold onto. A plan, I need a plan.

We pile into an old building, some speak too loudly. This place cannot hold us. I hide inside, wishing for more tact and a greater awareness. And so it is. I am changing. We cannot stay the same. Flowers, cold, wind bites, rain falls. These jackets and shoes are from another place. It was the wrong list. I resent it. But isn’t that a part of it all? Going beyond what I choose and control. We cannot stay the same. I fight it, yell inside that I won’t. Yet forcing me, I learn humility.

Egypt: Loss resonates and my mind plays it over and over. It is the longest van ride ever-from Cairo to Sinai. I resent it even more than the false packing list. Emotions run higher than the temperatures outside. Sand mixes with sweat and tears as we drive through the desert. It is a process of purification. Loss of material possessions has a cathartic effect on my heart. But I fight it the whole drive.

Eight hours later and I will myself to exit the van. We pour into the hostel, exhausted, spent. I cannot stay the same. I press on and climb a mountain. I beg God to reconnect with my heart, to fan the flame that had been choked by earthly desires. The Word is like water or breath or cold air in the hot desert. On the top of Mt. Sinai, I thank God for helping me endure.

Israel: We made it to the Promised Land. This is where Jesus walked. Sit and wait for the moment where your heart will change, as though willing the rain to come, the flower to bloom, the autumn leaf to fall. A frustration overshadows any other emotion. Why am I the same? Did not Jesus die so we would never be the same? I sing worship songs under my breath, in order to have a familiar context for these unfamiliar sites.

The day salvation was gifted to my heart is the day I refused to be the same person. I cannot stay the same.

Lifting my face to glory, I celebrate the loss of my self, my former life. The true self looks at Jesus, face to face. Don’t miss what I want to show you; don’t look around at the things you think you want. He speaks this to me.

Jesus asked, God, my God, Why have you forsaken me? When he could no longer see the Father, never was he more near. There is safety in suffering, affliction, death to self that He might reign in me. At our last breath we cling to the Father who is well-pleased to draw near, and promises such. At this point I realize that I am not the same.

Egypt: Woe to those who go back to Egypt for comfort: because there are no comforts in Egypt. It is not just a disclaimer, it is practical advice. There are no options but to sit on a sailboat for endless hours and pray to God. My heart is restless and I try to fill it but there is nothing around me but the Nile River, pita bread and flies. And so I pray, out of both boredom and out of necessity. It is a necessity, I realize. I cannot stay the same.

Kenya: I fear the whole continent of Africa-the place notorious for capturing missionary hearts for needy, orphaned children. So I come prepared. I plan the saving of Africa, of Kenya, to be exact. I make endless lists to save the children. Bullet points, color-coded, categorized. This structure is the only way I can protect myself from heartbreak. \

I come to realize that Africa is big. There are many needs and my highlighted lists cannot save anything, at least on their own. I leave feeling changed. Saddened that I cannot save the world, but emboldened to know that Christ can. I continue on, ambitious for India.

India: How did I get back to Egypt? I am back on this silly sailboat with nothing to do but endure the heat and pray. I am frustrated. I continually remind myself that I cannot stay the same. Part of me is still the same. I do not like being uncomfortable. But God, if that is where you are going, take me along too. If this suffering is producing something in me, do not remove me from this humid purification.

Indonesia: God, you captured my heart in Bali. Not through the green trees, rice fields or ocean breezes, but through a supernatural power. I can no longer operate on human abilities and man-made strategies for advancing the Kingdom. God’s pervasive presence has fallen on my heart, on my new heart. The earth is saturated with His presence. God pulls me in to experience more of his power and provision. I have been invited to encounter His divine existence in my daily life. I am made new, changed, purified and refined by fire.

China: Part of me would have been content to skip these last few weeks in China. But almost immediately, my heart warmed towards this place. I had two host families in my three weeks here; both were amazing and helped me learn more about Chinese culture. I taught English to 8th graders. The teacher told me, "I want to learn from you. I want to see how you teach students." Since I have never officially taught a class, this was an ironic challenge. The three weeks flew by, and God continued to soften my heart and surprise me by moving through me to impact others. I know the next step is to process and share all that has happened here. I look forward to this new challenge and I expect the intense impact to resonate into the future.

I am still guessing: I-Spy for grown-ups. Or, rather, for those who are growing up. I am a work in progress, refining my guesses, asking better questions to discover the true nature of God and his people. I have new eyes that are continually being refined to see more like God sees. It is the child’s hope for guessing well and knowing the Father’s heart. He is showing me that child-like wonder is more than a road trip game. It is the only constant theme in this quickly-passing scenery.

Welcome to Bali

Life has taken a turn since my last posts in India. We said goodbye to the people of Mumbai and the Lutheran Center, goodbye to the former orphanage in the slums that we called home. We left the tastes, smells and constant horn-honking traffic for an air conditioned airport and airplane. We had a layover in Malaysia and I pondered the next time I would be on this part of the world. Oh, and God provided a Coffee Bean :) in the cool Malaysian airport so I spent all night on the plane to Bali hyped up on an iced coffee. Many people on the team were sick just before and during these two flights to Indonesia. We arrived in lush, green Bali Tuesday morning around 11 and were driven to the guesthouse where we are staying in Ubud, the art capital of Bali.

Bali is...opposite of India in several ways. It is so green here, though still humid. Indonesia has the largest Muslim population in the world, but Bali is primarily Hindu.

I have been learning a lot about Hinduism from the owner of our guesthouse, who is also a professor of Religion and Culture (two of my favorite things). Each morning people make a small offering of rice, coconut flakes, coffee or flowers on a square of banana leaf. This is to appease the evil spirits and to please the kind spirits to grant them prosperity and wellness in their businesses or homes.

I asked Mr. Budi about this and tried to steer the conversation towards the questions Hinduism cannot fully answer. I asked if these small offerings could ever be enough to satisfy the god of the universe. What about grace? If you do wrong, you are given bad karma, or imbalanced karma, and the only way to get out of that is to do good. Do you ever feel like you cannot do enough?

I know that I can never offer enough to compensate for my sins. And that is ok, because Christ has paid the price for our transgressions. What a beautiful concept. Man could never do enough, God intervened to give us true life, free from coconut offerings or trying really hard to do good.

I am still processing these concepts of Hinduism. Mr. Budi is an amazing man, and his wife is an amazing woman. Each morning she places various offerings around the hotel grounds. I see the striving, but I know we can never offer enough on our own.

I will be graduating from Concordia in May, and I am not sure what I want to do afterward. Usually this would scare me. I love having a plan, having everything organized and figured out. But now I have a peace about it. I know that I am available to go wherever God would have me. I will not sit around and be careless with time to dream and plan and apply for jobs or schools, but I trust that worrying thousands of miles away can fix anything.

One option is the Middlebury Language school for Spanish. It is a 7-week summer language program at Mills College in Oakland, CA. I applied and am fairly sure I will get in. Whether or not I attend will be based on how much financial aid they offer me, since it is an expensive program.

The newest option is Bethel's School of Supernatural Ministry. Bethel church is in Redding, CA only 3 hours from my home. I have considered this school once before, after my sophomore year of college, but I knew I had to get my degree first. It is similar to a Bible college, where you can take 1-3 years of classes. Classes run from September to May. I would have classes Tuesdays-Fridays 12:45-5:30pm, attend two church services per week and one cell group per week. Students read through the whole Bible, along with 12 other books by various theologians. Tuition is only 4,000 per year in addition to housing and I would be able to have a part time job.
I really feel like God has been preparing me for a school like this.
Here's the website to the school if you're interested:
http://www.ibethel.org/site/bethel-school-of-supernatural-ministry

It is an amazing ministry that equips people to walk in God's spirit and power. Practical skills are taught, as well as general teachings and spiritual growth.
So much has been going on here. I am excited to see what happens in these last few weeks of traveling, and the residual effects God will work in my life and the members of the team. Please be praying for guidance, wisdom and boldness. Missing home but I will be there soon!

It's Set in India

India. I never would have guessed it would take part of my heart. I have been taken by the bright fabrics, dark skin decorated with gold or silver bangles, nose studs, mendi, too much chai and crispy snacks that are forcefully offered to me from a generous heart. Multiple generations live in a single room. Water from hand washing laundry runs through the uneven stone alleyways. Children shout out Hello and push their hand into mine as a greeting. A few words of broken English and Hindi with expressive hand gestures show the story and big, white smiles tell the rest. The heat is almost unbearably humid and being constantly sweaty has become an unavoidable reality. This is an unexpected love, which is perhaps the best kind.

Heart of Light

Arriving in India has spurred my longing for the green grass, red dirt, ugali, coffee and peace that is Kenya. The plane landed at Jomo Kenyatta and I was extremely fearful of what Africa would do to me. I was nervous about how my heart would respond to a country famous for pulling in missionaries with a passion for helping people. We arrived at 4am, tired from the flight from Cairo, and I was ready to sleep the next two weeks away, in order to protect myself from Kenya's embrace. That morning groggily set the tone for what I would experience. A welcoming crew of 12 from the ELCA church in Kawangware greeted us with a warm handshake and Karibou Kenya.
Our days were spent at the church, serving children food, playing games, taking pictures and worshiping with the kids. We had two different homestays with families. At the first one, Becca and I sold vegetables and fruits and Mamma Gracie's shop at the front of her two-room house. I counted and added in Swahili, while Becca and I traded off making dinner, boiling water and cutting vegetables. After dinner we had tea, the best chai of the 8 countries so far.
I made friends and connections for future ministry projects, and God stretched my heart for these people. I would say it broke for them, but the hope we have in Christ holds it together.
I was able to capture some pretty amazing pictures, and was even allowed to interview a family of 8 to share their story with the world.
Now we're in India, it's hot, loud and the start of the 5 day Diwali festival. Fireworks are in full force outside the internet cafe. Hoping to post pictures soon, after writing a few papers because, that's right, we are taking 5 classes over here. Praying for patience in this new culture, as well as a heart for a new country and everything India has to teach us.
Missing family and friends, sorry about the lack of communication in the past few weeks. Hope to catch up soon :)

Ponderings from the Nile River

I made it back alive after a 3-day felucca trip up the Nile. A felucca is a traditional wooden sailboat used primarily to sail the Nile. 30 of us had 2 feluccas with 2 crew members on each. We ate vegetarian each meal and plenty of pita with various toppings. We took a night train Friday from Cairo to Aswan, and boarded the boat Saturday afternoon. I showered Thursday night before we left for Aswan, and then not again until this afternoon, Tuesday. I am definitely being pushed from my comfort zone; at home I shower at least once per day. And Egypt is hot. I mean hot. We were dripping sweat most of the time, which meant of course-we must cool off in the Nile.

It is extremely questionably water; I am sure it was not too safe for my new tattoo (see previous post..), but no one got sick and it was nice to float around with no real agenda. Free time is a new concept to this group, because we are always rushing somewhere, having classes, studying or taking tests. This semester has been my busiest yet, even without my job or friends and family to spend my time with.

Saturday night I spent a few hours just laying on the boat and praying. I journaled, I re-read my posts from the beginning of the trip, and pondered my future. It is difficult to dwell on the future when I am thousands of miles away and a continent and oceans prevent me from planning every or any details.

I read Tales of a Female Nomad this weekend. It showed me that I do not have to worry about providing for my every need. There are so many people out there that have helped me find a place to stay, a job, transportation, friendships, etc. God has me in his hand. That concept is so abstract, it doesn't always fit in my head very well. But while I know the value of planning and hoping for a good job and for things to turn out well, this time I want to fully depend on God. It is perfect, because I have no ability to work out my own future this far away.

My felucca ponderings have given me a peace about these next six months. I cannot wait to see my family and friends in December, and what is beyond Christmas I have no idea. I will rest in that, because God has always, always, always revealed the next step for me.

Tonight we leave for Kenya, and internet will be intermittent, if at all. If you don't hear from me, just pray that God would continue to work in this team and in my heart. Daily He is showing me how to trust in his plan rather than stress about how to provide on my own.

Pyramids at Giza

I'm studying for our World Religions midterm tomorrow morning, but here are a few pictures from today!

Final tattoo, Psalm 29:11a

The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace, Psalm 29:11

One of my goals for the trip, unofficially, was to get a Hebrew tattoo in Israel. I mentioned it to the group in passing in our first two weeks in Argentina, and a few prayed about getting one as well. Fast forward 2 months and halfway through the trip- 6 people decided to go through with it.
The part that scares me the most is the declaration this particular verse is making: The Lord gives strength to his people. I know this to be true, it is the foundation of my life and God is the only reason this team of 30 students and faculty have bonded so quickly. Our foundation in Christ is the reason we are able to make it through tough classes, sickness, frustrations, various personality differences, all of our service projects and unending culture shock. God has brought each individual here, and we are reminded daily in large and small ways of His truth and present action in our lives.

And that is exactly what scares me: To have a permanent reminder on my body (my right arm, to be specific) that I can and should be fully dependent on God as my sole source of strength is the largest claim I can make. It is a declaration, but it is also a prayer that I would be continually renewed in the word as I actively seek His face rather than my own desires.
So in Christ I am broken yet full, dead to myself and alive in Him. May my present actions take me in His direction as this journey continues. Amen.

Shout to the Lord

I step out into the busy streets. Darkness covers this beautiful city, the Jaffa gate is visible from here as I pass through and continue onto my destination. My heart is excited, light in anticipation: Worship. The group of us rushes on through the streets, along the city wall, continuing on Jaffa Street. Twenty minutes later we find a spot to sit; the group piles onto the ground, ledges and cobblestone steps. This group consists of two schools- Marietta Bible College and Concordia University students are staying at the same hotel, and tonight we find ourselves together on the cement stairs.

Our eclectic compilation of instruments are scattered between our two groups to form one worship band. Holy is the Lord, we sing. I close my eyes to focus on the words I'm singing out to God, in this crowd of people with one purpose. I open my eyes after this first song and the largest group has appeared around us. Christians stretch their heads out of surrounding stores and restaurants, couples and families stop to see why we have gathered-to understand why we sing these praises.

Between each song I hear whispers permeate this sacred space. Who are you? What are you doing here? Why do you sing? Several students wander the edges to answer questions and offer prayer. How Great is Our God. Most of us take off our sandals as a symbol of this holy ground. The concrete steps have turned into God's dwelling place. Our hearts sing Him out, our voices lift His name in praise and adoration.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Some passing tourists stay the full two hours, others stay for a song or two. Soon individuals shout out song requests in English with various accents. Forever God is Faithful. The three guitars rotate between several musicians to display their own style.
We press towards the center of our contrived circle to accommodate the increasing crowd.

The community felt there can only by formed and felt because of God's presence and the Holy Spirit's actions in our lives. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. It is what binds us together in perfect unity. May God seal up that worship time-the words sung, the prayers prayed, the witness portrayed, in Jesus' name, in His City, among His People of Israel.

What I learned in the deserts of Egypt and Jordan

Let us have grace to serve the Consuming Fire, our God, with divine fear, not with the fear that cringes and craves, but with the bowing down of all thoughts, all delights, all loves before him who is the life of them all, and will have them all pure. We, therefore, must worship him with a fear pure as the kingdom is unshakable. He will shake heaven and earth, that only the unshakable remain.

It is the nature of God, so terribly pure that is destroys all that is not pure as fire, which demands like purity in our worship.
The symbol of God's presence, before which Moses had to put off his shoes, and to which it was not safe for him to draw near, was a fire that did not consume the bush in which it burned.

He is against sin: in so far as, and while, they and sin are one, he is against them-against their desires, their aims, their fears and their hopes; and thus he is altogether and always for them.
The Consuming Fire is the active form of purity-that which makes pure, that which is indeed love, the creative energy of God.

Gone then will be all anxiety as to what his neighbor may think about him. It is enough that God thinks about him. To be something to God-is not that praise enough? To be a thing that God cares for and would have complete for himself, because it is worth caring for-is not that life enough?
The Consuming Fire, George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons

God has been working on my heart. It isn't easy, but I know that I am learning character on this trip. I love it here, there is always something to do, see, learn and read. I am dealing with losing things I once held valuable, and that shows me that my heart needs to move more towards living in the moment rather than thinking about what used to bring me happiness.

The team is growing closer as we study and travel together. We spent this last weekend in the desert near Wadi Rum, Jordan. We rode a caravan of camels (30 people, 30 camels, which were borrowed from neighboring villages to trek us all through the desert). Jordan is hot, sweaty and full of sand. Tomorrow we go to Petra, and we are here for 3 days. I'm looking forward to what the future has in store, while continuing to live in the moment.

Mt. Sinai and the Egyptian Desert: Wandering for 40 years

The time is here: A journey from known to unknown. We have left Turkey and have arrived in Egypt. We passed from the African side in Cairo, under the Suez Canal to the Middle Eastern side of Sinai and then the Red Sea in Dahab, Egypt.

Monday night at 1am we rolled into Sinai in two small, cramped, sweaty vans. We unstuck our bodies and walked sleepily to the large outdoor tent where the staff of Desert Fox Hostel greeted us with cups of hot tea heated by the fire. Tuesday I wandered around the desert to the oldest continually used monastery in the world, St. Catherine’s. That night the group of us set out with our daypacks to climb Mt. Sinai. I thought it would be a quick trip up, but it took just over two hours, mostly in the dark. I lit a small path with my head lamp, in between a cliff and a red mountain. Strenuous though it was, the trek proved to be more than worth the exhausting exercise. After the 752 “Steps of Repentance,” the final steps up to the top, we had a worship service while staring at the stars and down to the distant desert sands below. “When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mt. Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain. To the Israelites, the glory of the Lord looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain.” [Mt. Sinai, also known as Mt. Horeb, is where Moses and Elijah met with God]. We beat the crowds who come for sunrise and had the mountain to ourselves for a few hours, but tourists poured in around 4am. I woke up to headlamps peering over from above to our mats and sleeping bags on a landing below, while foreign languages met my tired ears.

I slept a bit longer till the sun started to rise around 6am. The sight was slightly less than I was hoping for, and I thought, isn’t that exactly how God works-not at all as expected. But a few minutes later a blazing ball of fire emerged from the foggy horizon, and the view was spectacular. Perhaps this is the same Consuming Fire.

An hour later we packed our bag and took a different route down the mountain. This new path took much longer than the first, and this time the sun was beating at our backs. I got to lead the group through some of the last climbs which was an amazing feeling. This morning, Thursday, we took three vans to Dahab. Immediately after dropping our bags into the hotel rooms we made the 40 minute walk to Lagona Beach. We managed to find a semi-private section of shore and water, which was crystal clear blue. The color changed lighter periwinkle or darker navy depending on the reef deep below. I swam to the buoy and floated in the crystals aquamarine water for a long time since the temperature and atmosphere were perfect for a relaxing afternoon. The Egyptian sun bore down but it was no match for the calm, salty clear sea: The Red Sea, where God parted the waters for the Israelites and Moses to walk safely across.

Friday morning, waves are rolling, never crashing, as though they possess the lazy beach personality and opt for a rest instead. A single person stands in these calm waves, white sun beating down to reflect the dark silhouette. This blazing fire creates a white-hot pathway across the sea to the neighboring Saudi Arabia. Its mountains are barely visible in the morning haze. Away from this path dark water churns, lost without a light source to guide.

After French toast and ice coffee for breakfast, we take a two buses and a two-hour ferry ride to Aqaba, Jordan. We will be staying near the entrance of Petra, Jordan

Travel: a tough friend

I am learning to be patient with travel. It takes time to build a foundation of trust. It takes time to allow travel to have part of yourself.

Travel will not steal from you, but if you allow Travel your time, patience, effort, study, your relaxed and carefree mind, then Travel will surprise you.

Travel will host you, guide you, reveal new life to you. Travel can take your hand, give mysteries, explore the unknown and introduce you to many characters and friends.

Travel will give you tough love at times. He will teach you difficult lessons, he will show you fear and hesitation. He will show you beauty, and allow you to see pain and struggle.

But travel will always help you grow, and travel will never let you stay the same,

and that is the greatest gift of all.

Istanbul, Turkey

Agia Sofia, the most amazing example of Byzantine architecture and religious controversy

1 Lira is about 75 cents so each morning (and sometimes afternoon), I get fresh orange juice, just outside the hostel

The view from my window, on the fourth floor. Look to the left and you would see three beautiful, muted blue mosques in the distance

The hostel walls are painted a childlike yellow, blue, and white, with bright orange, green and yellow sheets on the beds. The doors are fire engine red, with yellow numbers. We are on the fourth floor, where winding staircases meet doors that overlook downtown Istanbul. The lights at night demand silence and awe, and the streets are littered with fruit juice vendors and meat sellers. Today, we walked down the tall cobblestone hill, across the bridge where fishermen were catching their lunch. We toured the cisterns, where 100,000 gallons of water flowed to the city in 500 AD. Then we went to Agia Sofia, and it was breathtaking. It was the largest cathedral in the world for nearly 1000 years. It was a mosque for 500 years until 1932, and now it is a museum.

The church windows faced Jerusalem, and when it was switched to a mosque, the center was shifted slightly to the right, for the pulpit to face Mecca. Old and New Testament mosaics vied for attention with the Arabic calligraphy elegantly displayed nearby. We had chicken and garlic sauce wraps for lunch, and attempted to do homework in the afternoon heat. I uploaded pictures from the morning, and then we went in search of Turkish coffee. Now I’m sitting on the bright orange blankets, desiring sleep but needing to do homework for tomorrow. We leave at 11:30 for Ankara. Good night, Istanbul.

Psalm 19:: Reviving to the soul

Tomorrow we enter the Muslim world. I'm not sure how I feel going into this. I trust that God has been preparing each individual on this team-before we even knew this trip would come about.
He knows my heart, my fears, my passions and joys, my failures, my mistakes, my worship and prayers.

I lay that all down at His feet.

Everything I know, everything I think I know, what I'm scared to learn and discover, all that I have gathered in my arms, I lay down.

May I become empty, in order to be filled with Christ-that I may know the power of him crucified, and the same power that raised him from the dead. This is living in me. That reality calms me. There is such comfort in knowing that God takes care of us.

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer,"
Psalm 19

God, this is my prayer and declaration, that you are good, you revive my soul and guide my path. I bind these up in Christ's name, Amen

Heart Issues [in Moscow..]

God has been getting deeper into my heart lately. More and more, I notice the flaws and sinful nature in me. I see it, and it's something I want to change. I am impatient. I want life to happen on my terms, my schedule, and exactly how I think is best. But I meet opposition daily, and iron is sharpening iron as I take time to reflect on my weaknesses.

It is not a helpless feeling though, because when I am weak, God is strong within me. Christianity is all about God loving us in our weakness, and that is so beautiful. It is such an attractive part of the Gospel: Jesus died for messy people, who didn't have it all together. And that's me! And that's you! I love that God pursues us, even when we don't realize it, or when we doubt He is near.

I am also learning that God is often quiet. What a beautiful picture, because it forces me to silence my voice, heart and mind to focus on what he is speaking.

"I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure," Psalm 16:7-9

Thoughts in Russia, thoughts in English

Russian life has been a whirlwind. Our limited downtime is spent doing homework, reading, journaling, church time and sleeping. My heart has been going through so many things this past week, it is difficult to describe in a simple paragraph. I have met a few amazing individuals here in Vladimir, and God has blessed our group with awesome worship time and Bible study. Finding time and motivation for extra devotion time has been tough- I realize that should be my top priority, but time seems to go by quickly here.
Being sick these past two weeks has given me time to sit back and observe. I get to see how people interact; I am able to study people, without understanding their language. Gestures and expressions say so much.
I am caught in between finding contentment here, and having anxiety about life when I get back home. I feel pressure to figure out what I want to do with my life. What do I do after my undergrad at Concordia? I was hoping for a revelation while on this trip-maybe it will come, and I still have time. I'm nervous about resume-building, job hunting, interviewing. And for what? I don't even know that, which is scary. Part of me knows this place of desperation is exactly where God wants me to be-it means I have to rely completely on Him.
This morning Kaydee came to Emmanuel Church in Vladimir. My best friend from high school, we hardly manage to see each other in the states, but we are able to meet halfway around the world! She is here studying Russian at a language school. I am in awe of that direction, of her determination and strength. My heart aches for that. I feel as though God is saying Just wait. Just wait. Just wait. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just be willing to wait, that's all, or you'll miss what I want to show you.
That should bring me peace, but my mind is anxious. Pray for a calm surrender and patience for God's timing and plan. I know the next steps-to live this trip to the fullest. Meet individuals, pray without ceasing, derive strength from Scripture and community. The same hands that hold the world hold my heart.

Harvesting potatoes! Fun at first...then very tiring!

Journalism article-Concordia Courier

The following is an advanced draft of an article I wrote for the Concordia newspaper. The first two paragraphs introduce the trip, and the rest is a summary of how my heart and mind have changed since arriving in Buenos Aires. Feel free to comment with edits, critiques or advice on what should be included/excluded or changed. Thank you!

A team of 30 students and faculty set out on Concordia’s first Around-the-World Semester, an adventure of a lifetime. We will spend four months traveling abroad to ten countries not only learning of culture, but also experiencing it firsthand. We have already begun to experience, treasure and record every intense and awe-inspiring detail. My hope is to discover a deeper sense of self, others, and my role in this giant world.

We will spend 2-3 weeks each in Argentina, Russia, Turkey, Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Kenya, India, Indonesia and China. During this 18-week program, in addition to our class work, we will take part in many service projects such as teaching English in China, volunteering for an Indian orphanage, and serving in the slums of Kenya.

Our first stop is Argentina. We arrived in Buenos Aires on a foggy Tuesday afternoon, and fought to stay awake as the day dragged on. Each weekday morning, we have group devotions and class-work. The bonding of our group has been expedited because we spend the whole day together studying, reading, praying, volunteering, attempting to order lunch in Spanish, and exploring this beautiful city. Every day is full of new experiences, such as brushing your teeth with Dr. Norton, discussing literature and culture over a cup of Café con leche, and having our “university home-school” during the week. Class discussions are littered with inside jokes about getting lost on the way to the subway, participating in a street drum-show, and our black-wearing, mate-drinking, cat-loving hostel receptionist.

The second day we arrived, we started volunteering with LIFE Argentina, a non-government organization that helps support youth and kids from the slums of Buenos Aires. I started this service project without realizing the intense poverty that can exist so close to a city like Buenos Aires. Within a ten minute bus ride, we went from high-rise buildings, fancy clothing stores and cafés, to brightly painted shack-like buildings. These villas form an underprivileged community of children, trapped in poor circumstances. Our group has been able to form relationships with the kids, while serving them food, playing jump rope and soccer, coloring, reading and teaching English. Our limited Spanish has not hindered our new friends from trying to communicate with us, and even their smiles say more than enough.

Cultural differences become apparent every single day. Our hearts and minds are being stretched to encompass a larger world. Part of me misses the accessibility of California: the overabundance of a Starbucks Iced coffee, unlimited texting, and English speakers. That part of me is lessening with each day we spend away from home, away from normal life, friends and cable TV. That part of me is experiencing a new concept of freedom I had yet to learn.

The first two weeks of this trip have been the most expedited learning experience I have ever participated in. My mind is open to learn more about life, individuals, language, and God’s heart for His people.

Preparations: through pictures (9 days!)

Guide books, research

The Art of Long-term World Travel..

Some of my textbooks for the trip

Studying for our quiz. Facts we have to know by 8/16 when we get to LAX. First novel (Argentina), and a delicious medium cappuccino from Kean Coffee

Visa application for India

More research! Fun, interesting, exciting research

Pictures of the team