I have been experiencing God's Presence in the most unusual ways at the most unexpected times. God has been showing me how much joy He brings through surprise encounters with Him. It is so amazing.
I can hardly count the ways in these past 3 weeks that I have really felt the Spirit.
I went up for prayer after service last week, after Johnny spoke about experiencing absolute FREEDOM that is given from Christ. I wasn't really dealing with anything particular. He said whoever just wants more of Jesus, come up for prayer.
Infinite amounts of freedom.
More and more, an increasing amount.
Be free and keep being free and keep experiencing His freedom.
The other day I was driving in my car (Cupcake! haha) and I was just thinking about the pure goodness of God. I just started crying. Seriously, it was probably mildly to moderately dangerous to be driving.
There's something so cathartic about just crying out to God. I love those moments of pure honesty. Sometimes it feels safer just to put a nice buffer in my prayer life. But when that comes down, wow. It's like God just comes in and removes all the space between us.
I want to live with no space between us.
That is what I have been resting in the past few days.
I am still guarding my mornings and setting aside time for communion with Jesus. I feel like those times in the morning, more so after the coffee is brewed, I am sowing into Heaven.
I don't always see the reward there-maybe I see it later in the day or week, in a breakthrough in a friend, an answered prayer request, getting rocked during worship, having Scripture come to mind at the perfect time, being able to receive a word from someone, experiencing an overflow of joy at the reality of His Freedom. If effectiveness is measured in overflow, I am totally experiencing that lately.
I wanted to document this season because I know it doesn't always seem so...rewarding or some other adjective...I'll be praying for continued breakthrough for you, my friends. May the reality of His love and peace surround you today.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Jeremiah 15:16
This past week has been one of the most amazing weeks I have had in a long time. Amazing is a vague adjective... Spirit-filled, revelatory, joyful, stretching, growing, learning difficult lessons and learning easy ones. I can't hardly contain it all with my keyboard.
It started after meeting with my new mentor, Jenn. I was skeptical of being paired up with someone to walk through life together. However, such "contrived" community has worked so well in Circles so far! God totally surpassed my expectations in this relationship. It is already that, after 3 weeks, a friendship, fellowship, guidance, even discipleship. Our meetings are bordered in prayer, testimony, questions, therapy of sorts.
My goal in this mentorship is that I would be pushed. I have many friends who just tell me it's all going to be ok, that where I'm at with God is good, fine, sufficient. I also need someone to DECLARE the Truths of the word in my life. Jenn is an atmosphere-changer. My spirit is changed in the presence of our conversations. God is so at work here, it truly transcends my human understanding.
I unknowingly committed to quiet times with the Lord this week. Jenn kindly (...it's what I needed!!) offered to keep me accountable to carving out 6-6:45 am every morning to meet in the secret place with the Lord. It has been a transformative process. Each morning, God meets me in this obedience. He shows up in power, even when I am reluctant, sleepy and moderately to majorly distracted by the smells and sounds of my French roast brewing. Each morning, I bring my prayer requests, take time to listen, and seek to eat the Word (Jeremiah 15:16). It's a safe time and place to cry out to God about things that would usually remain beneath the surface. And He has answered very specific prayers.
Today I played on the swings with Kendall, the darling 3 year old I nanny for 4 times per week. Last week I invited her to Easter at the amphitheater. I have never seen a child so excited about a piece of cardstock before. This afternoon we spoke about prayer. She asked me what I will be doing after I graduate from college. I responded about Bible school, where we pray, sing and read the Bible. She said, I prayer in the mornings at my school. I asked her what prayer means. She said, It's when we talk to God! I said I do that all the time, and she said she likes that idea.
The main conclusion I am resting on from my times with God this week is this: To sow into heaven as I minister to God. Store up treasures that may or may not have an earthly reward or visible product. I don't know fully what this means. But I know that, in ministering to the Lord, in making him the focus of my worship in every aspect of my day, that He's glorified by that posture.
It started after meeting with my new mentor, Jenn. I was skeptical of being paired up with someone to walk through life together. However, such "contrived" community has worked so well in Circles so far! God totally surpassed my expectations in this relationship. It is already that, after 3 weeks, a friendship, fellowship, guidance, even discipleship. Our meetings are bordered in prayer, testimony, questions, therapy of sorts.
My goal in this mentorship is that I would be pushed. I have many friends who just tell me it's all going to be ok, that where I'm at with God is good, fine, sufficient. I also need someone to DECLARE the Truths of the word in my life. Jenn is an atmosphere-changer. My spirit is changed in the presence of our conversations. God is so at work here, it truly transcends my human understanding.
I unknowingly committed to quiet times with the Lord this week. Jenn kindly (...it's what I needed!!) offered to keep me accountable to carving out 6-6:45 am every morning to meet in the secret place with the Lord. It has been a transformative process. Each morning, God meets me in this obedience. He shows up in power, even when I am reluctant, sleepy and moderately to majorly distracted by the smells and sounds of my French roast brewing. Each morning, I bring my prayer requests, take time to listen, and seek to eat the Word (Jeremiah 15:16). It's a safe time and place to cry out to God about things that would usually remain beneath the surface. And He has answered very specific prayers.
Today I played on the swings with Kendall, the darling 3 year old I nanny for 4 times per week. Last week I invited her to Easter at the amphitheater. I have never seen a child so excited about a piece of cardstock before. This afternoon we spoke about prayer. She asked me what I will be doing after I graduate from college. I responded about Bible school, where we pray, sing and read the Bible. She said, I prayer in the mornings at my school. I asked her what prayer means. She said, It's when we talk to God! I said I do that all the time, and she said she likes that idea.
The main conclusion I am resting on from my times with God this week is this: To sow into heaven as I minister to God. Store up treasures that may or may not have an earthly reward or visible product. I don't know fully what this means. But I know that, in ministering to the Lord, in making him the focus of my worship in every aspect of my day, that He's glorified by that posture.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Nightfall..Spirit Fall
When I was younger I used to get really intense anxiety about certain things. The most fearful time of struggle was always that hour or so between late afternoon and early evening-as the sun was going down and everything got shadowed and dark. I used to sit in the living room, close my eyes tightly and try to ignore the shift towards nightfall.
Every so often this feeling comes back. An anxious, depressed, heavy feeling. Tonight was such a night. It usually happens if I have too much time to just sit and think. If I don't turn my attention and affection towards God in that time, lifting my fears up in prayer, then inexplicable anxiety floods in. I don't know how to describe it. Like a constriction of my heart, sharp breaths and a tangible weight on my chest and shoulders. Again, usually inexplicable.
Tonight I couldn't pinpoint a specific fear or worry. That makes it difficult to pray against, because Jesus named the demons. He cast them away by name.
I am thankful to have this as an outlet to share, even if I don't have it figured out entirely. There's such power in a community to surround myself in.
Every so often this feeling comes back. An anxious, depressed, heavy feeling. Tonight was such a night. It usually happens if I have too much time to just sit and think. If I don't turn my attention and affection towards God in that time, lifting my fears up in prayer, then inexplicable anxiety floods in. I don't know how to describe it. Like a constriction of my heart, sharp breaths and a tangible weight on my chest and shoulders. Again, usually inexplicable.
Tonight I couldn't pinpoint a specific fear or worry. That makes it difficult to pray against, because Jesus named the demons. He cast them away by name.
I am thankful to have this as an outlet to share, even if I don't have it figured out entirely. There's such power in a community to surround myself in.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Temporal vs Kingdom
I have been preoccupied with very temporal things lately. School, finances, learning how to sell and buy a car, budgeting, planning. It seems a waste to dedicate so much time to issues that have little or no spiritual, eternal value. Some of these things must be done.
But they should be done differently.
Let us pray that more than our words proclaim the reality and nearness of the Kingdom of God.
But they should be done differently.
- How can organizing and budgeting my finances serve the Kingdom?
- How can the way I sell my car glorify Christ?
- How does the way I view the future display Christ's character and freedom?
- Does my life scream that I live for someone greater than anything in this world?
- Does my life squish itself up against God's side, so that he covers me with his feathers as I rest under his wings (Psalm 91:4)?
- Am I so close to Him that his heartbeat resonates clearly to my heart and out towards others?
Let us pray that more than our words proclaim the reality and nearness of the Kingdom of God.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Fire
I still can't get over Matthew 6:6-this idea of being filled up by God in our secret-place meetings with Him. The premise of Henri Nouwen's book is obviously to live in the present moment. But that "present moment" is completely, radically, powerfully altered if we are continuously being filled by God.
"Something that reminds us of God's love-put in the center of our inner room, like a candle in a dark space. As long we we keep the candle in our dark room burning, we can return to that light and see clearly the presence of the one who offers us what we most desire," (Nouwen 23-24).
But I don't want just a candle. I want a blazing fire. Love lit on fire. If I spend my quiet time in that inner room, pouring out to God and allowing Him to pour into me, I believe it will be as Jeremiah exclaims:
But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. ~Jeremiah 20:9
God, I welcome you to be great in my life. Be extreme, beyond what I expect and beyond what I can even prepare myself. I don't want to be satisfied with a lack of God. To this call we give our whole lives.
Heaven is filled with absolute confidence in God. My life is often filled with doubt or disbelief. But now may my whole life mirror Your reality, Your face, Your thoughts, to usher in the reigning of Your Kingdom.
"Something that reminds us of God's love-put in the center of our inner room, like a candle in a dark space. As long we we keep the candle in our dark room burning, we can return to that light and see clearly the presence of the one who offers us what we most desire," (Nouwen 23-24).
But I don't want just a candle. I want a blazing fire. Love lit on fire. If I spend my quiet time in that inner room, pouring out to God and allowing Him to pour into me, I believe it will be as Jeremiah exclaims:
But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. ~Jeremiah 20:9
God, I welcome you to be great in my life. Be extreme, beyond what I expect and beyond what I can even prepare myself. I don't want to be satisfied with a lack of God. To this call we give our whole lives.
Heaven is filled with absolute confidence in God. My life is often filled with doubt or disbelief. But now may my whole life mirror Your reality, Your face, Your thoughts, to usher in the reigning of Your Kingdom.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
100. To do list
I have a life's to do list. It is organized by category: Spiritual, Outdoors, Travel, Altruism, Creative, Learning, Silly and a general "Life."
Number 100 is the last on my list, but it seems to be gaining an ever-increasing amount of importance on my heart and in this season.
100. Write a letter to everyone I love
Sounds simple, a 7-word sentence. But I am afraid of number 100. It would take up my whole heart, entirely.
I reminisce on this list because tonight I got some shocking news. My great grandma passed away today. She was 96 years old. Jean Forbes first inspired my love of travel. She has been to over 100 countries, and helped my buy my first international plane ticket when I was 15.
She experienced so much in her long life-probably more than a list of life to-do's organized by category could every portray.
But there is some controversy surrounding her death. I don't want to be graphic, but these details are what have shaken me the most today.
My great grandmother was found at the bottom of a cliff, near a creek by her home.
She suffered from dementia, which could easily explain a lapse in judgment, lack of coordination or just a blatant unawareness of her surroundings.
The deeper part of my heart believes she was absolutely incapable of taking her own life. Such a life of adventure, wonder, experience and love could not be commit such a crime. But the other part of my mind needs prayer. Prayer to get such an image out of my mind and heart, because it has no place there.
I will forever remember my great grandma as a beautiful, stubborn, sweet and funny individual. She traveled, she lived, she saw, she recorded her stories in journal upon journal.
My heart aches that such a lovely person is gone, in such a tragic way. It makes my whole being shake with the desire for my whole family to know the power of Christ's love. Because he has changed my life, forever and ever.
My perspective is eternal, stretching to encompass a God who sent his son to die for ME and for YOU and for US. He died for those who love Him, and for those who turned away from Him, and for those who never took a second glance at Him. He loves the sinners, the broken, the lost, the found, the orphans, the pastors, the homeless, the joyful and the confused.
So, in honor of my family, may the strength I have been gifted from God give me the ability to transcend this earthly understanding.
Because I have been found by Christ. And that love surpasses all understanding.
101. To attempt to grasp the height, depth, width and breadth of His LOVE for us.
Number 100 is the last on my list, but it seems to be gaining an ever-increasing amount of importance on my heart and in this season.
100. Write a letter to everyone I love
Sounds simple, a 7-word sentence. But I am afraid of number 100. It would take up my whole heart, entirely.
I reminisce on this list because tonight I got some shocking news. My great grandma passed away today. She was 96 years old. Jean Forbes first inspired my love of travel. She has been to over 100 countries, and helped my buy my first international plane ticket when I was 15.
She experienced so much in her long life-probably more than a list of life to-do's organized by category could every portray.
But there is some controversy surrounding her death. I don't want to be graphic, but these details are what have shaken me the most today.
My great grandmother was found at the bottom of a cliff, near a creek by her home.
She suffered from dementia, which could easily explain a lapse in judgment, lack of coordination or just a blatant unawareness of her surroundings.
The deeper part of my heart believes she was absolutely incapable of taking her own life. Such a life of adventure, wonder, experience and love could not be commit such a crime. But the other part of my mind needs prayer. Prayer to get such an image out of my mind and heart, because it has no place there.
I will forever remember my great grandma as a beautiful, stubborn, sweet and funny individual. She traveled, she lived, she saw, she recorded her stories in journal upon journal.
My heart aches that such a lovely person is gone, in such a tragic way. It makes my whole being shake with the desire for my whole family to know the power of Christ's love. Because he has changed my life, forever and ever.
My perspective is eternal, stretching to encompass a God who sent his son to die for ME and for YOU and for US. He died for those who love Him, and for those who turned away from Him, and for those who never took a second glance at Him. He loves the sinners, the broken, the lost, the found, the orphans, the pastors, the homeless, the joyful and the confused.
So, in honor of my family, may the strength I have been gifted from God give me the ability to transcend this earthly understanding.
Because I have been found by Christ. And that love surpasses all understanding.
101. To attempt to grasp the height, depth, width and breadth of His LOVE for us.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
ATW Video
Sometimes it's difficult to condense my trip abroad into a simple story or statement. Casey Sousa produced and edited this video to promote the Around-The-World Semester at Concordia University for future students. I hope it helps invite you into what God did in my heart and in the hearts of my team members.
Around-the-World Semester from Concordia University on Vimeo.
Around-the-World Semester from Concordia University on Vimeo.
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